


You Make Me Stronger, Now Hand Me My Armor

by broken_bi_fi



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Bending (Avatar TV), Angst, Angst and Feels, Bullying, F/F, Fist Fights, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mild Blood, Mild Language, Minor Character Death, snippets of life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26939929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_bi_fi/pseuds/broken_bi_fi
Summary: This is the story of Kyoshi and Rangi as told by little snapshots throughout their life, starting from when they first meet.Mostly angst so be warned! (Promise a happy ending though).
Relationships: Kyoshi & Rangi & Yun (Avatar), Kyoshi & Rangi (Avatar), Kyoshi & Yun (Avatar), Kyoshi/Rangi (Avatar)
Comments: 44
Kudos: 117





	1. Let it Begin

**Author's Note:**

> A modern AU that no one asked for! In my head it started as a really cute idea but it immediately turned into angst when I began writing. Apparently I'm just an angst and smut dumpster writer now. 
> 
> I'll be adding more tags as the story progresses, and chapters may have their own ratings so watch out for that in the notes/summary please!
> 
> As always, hope you enjoy and please feel free to comment below.

_ It’s cold _ . 

That’s the only thought running through Kyoshi’s head as she lays sprawled out face down on the ground. The other kids are still laughing, gathered in a semi circle around her prone body. Tears spring to her eyes as she slowly starts to push herself up. A small foot connects with her back and her hands lose their grip on the slick ground, sending her back into the mud.

A high pitched voice cuts through the jeering. “You don’t belong here. This school is for kids with real families. Why don’t you go stay by the trash where you belong,” Aoma sneers before turning around to give high fives to some of the others.

Koulin had been in the middle of talking about her mother’s latest achievement when Rangi heard the cheering. Not paying much attention to her friend anyways, Rangi drifted towards the noise, curious about the commotion. It was only the first day of school, it was never this exciting. They were just starting 2nd grade which was nothing particularly noteworthy. To Rangi, it was just the start of yet another boring school year.

Koulin lets out an exasperated sigh, “Rangi are you even listening to me?”

“Sorry, I just want to know what’s going on,” Rangi replied distractedly.

She rounded the corner of the building with Koulin trailing just behind her and spotted the source of the noise near the outskirts of the grassy courtyard.  _ That’s odd. _ Rangi’s brow furrowed in confusion as she started to make her way over. She could easily spot Aoma rallying the others.  _ Why am I not surprised? That girl really needs a hobby. Or a brain. _

Rangi’s annoyance stalled immediately when she noticed the figure on the ground.  _ That’s the new girl. The really tall one with the freckles and pretty green eyes. _ The taller girl was just laying motionless in the mud. The anger started boiling within Rangi as her feet carried her faster towards the scene unfolding before her.

“Aoma!”

The girl was so caught up with the group that she hadn’t noticed Rangi’s approach. An unimpressed look settled across her face. “Sei’naka.”

“What do you think you’re doing? It’s the first day of school, what did she do wrong?”

“It’s none of your business actually. Why don’t you go inside and sit with your mommy?”

Rangi gritted her teeth but kept her retort to herself.  _ She’s not worth it. _ Her eyes drift over to the new girl, who’s decided to start picking herself up off the floor once more.

“You don’t listen very well do you, giant.” 

Rangi’s eyes snapped over to Aoma just as she had run back over, put her foot on the back of Kyoshi’s neck, and pushed down. Kyoshi’s face hit the ground with a sickening thud and Rangi’s vision went red. Before she knew what was happening, Aoma was tumbling into the mud beside her, screeching in horror as her clothes were immediately ruined. Rangi stood between her and Kyoshi, fists clenched and body shaking with barely restrained anger.

She bared her teeth at the shocked girl and lowered her voice, “If I ever see you doing this again, I’ll give you something to cry about. Now leave.”

The other kids had gone quiet. Aoma’s best friends stepped forward and helped her up, eyeing Rangi cautiously. She stared them down until they averted their gaze, guiding their leader towards the safety of the school building. The rest of the group trailed behind, a few tossing wary glances over their shoulders at the enraged star student. Koulin gave her a look she couldn’t quite decipher before turning to follow the rest.

Kyoshi wanted to die. She knew she was going to have a hard time fitting in, but she never imagined kids could be this cruel. Maybe if she just laid here then the ground would swallow her up and she wouldn’t have to worry about those girls.  _ Or getting sent back to the orphanage. _

When everyone had gone, Rangi turned and kneeled down next to the mud covered girl. She cleared her throat and hesitantly spoke, “Hey, can I help? You hit the ground kind of hard and I want to make sure you’re okay.”

Kyoshi startled at the voice, not realizing that someone had stayed behind. She slowly lifted her head out of the mud and groaned as pain started to radiate across her face. Blinking slowly, her eyes focused on worried bronze ones.  _ Oh, that’s different. What a pretty color. _

Rangi winced slightly as her eyes scanned across the mud-stained face. Blood was running from her nose, painting trails of red over her lips. Her nose was starting to swell too.  _ At the very least, her nose is broken. _

Holding out her hand slowly, Rangi tried to give her a reassuring smile. “Cmon, let’s get you cleaned up and checked out. The nurse needs to have a look at your nose.”

Kyoshi eyed her hand wearily before cautiously taking it. The two of them awkwardly rose to their feet. Even at 8 years old, Kyoshi was already a few inches taller than everyone else. Rangi tilted her head up to look her in the eye, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

“I’m sorry they did that to you. It was wrong.”

Kyoshi just nodded slowly and shrugged. After realizing she wasn’t going to get a better response, Rangi tugged on her hand and started leading her towards the school.  _ Oh man, mother is going to have my head. I hope dad is home early. _

Rangi turns her head to look back at Kyoshi for a moment. The taller girl is covered in mud from head to toe, her long mess of brown hair starting to crust with silt. Her bright green eyes are flitting around nervously, like she’s expecting another ambush. Even though she’s bigger than Rangi, she carries herself in a way that makes her seem much smaller. Like she’s trying to take up less space. Rangi blinks and tries to meet Kyoshi’s gaze, “I’m Rangi by the way.”

_ Rangi. _ Kyoshi studies the smaller girl in front of her. She had seen her walking around the school earlier with some other kids in the class so she knew they were in the same grade. But despite her stature she walks with purpose, a suredness that’s surprising for someone their age. Her deep black hair is pulled into a tight topknot, but some hairs have escaped and fall loosely around her face. Her dark bronze eyes betray her controlled exterior, emotions flicking across them like flames.

“Kyoshi.”

The soft voice almost makes Rangi trip and she flashes Kyoshi a soft smile. “Nice to meet you, Kyoshi.” She turns forward once more, not expecting any further response from the mysterious quiet girl. 

_ Don’t worry, I’ll protect you Kyoshi. _


	2. Learning How To Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in middle school (near the back half of 7th grade)
> 
> CW: brief implied/referenced self harm, brief mentions of blood
> 
> The chapter gets a little dark on the introspective parts near the end, so please be mindful and take care when reading.

Rangi tapped her foot impatiently against the ground while she waited in the rigid plastic chair outside of the principal’s office.  _ There’s no way he found out. Aoma wouldn’t label herself as a snitch. Besides, I barely even touched her. She just happened to trip. It’s not my fault that she decided to fall towards a table corner. _

The door swinging open halted her thoughts and she inhaled sharply.  _ It’ll be fine. Just stay in control. It’ll be fine. _ Principal Jianzhu appeared in the door frame, a grim look on his face. 

“Rangi, please come in.”

Rangi bit her lower lip subconsciously and stood quickly, grabbing her backpack and slinging it over her shoulder. Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself and confidently stepped into the office. She took a seat in one of the comfortable leather chairs, back straight and hands folded neatly in her lap. A Sei’naka never hides from their problems nor their actions. Whatever was going to happen, she would at least face it head on like she was raised to do.

Chin held high, she met Jianzhu’s gaze as he sat down heavily in his chair on the other side of the desk. “Sir, I’m not sure what you’ve heard but I assure you --”

Jianzhu raises his hand, effectively cutting her off. He takes a moment to study the girl in front of him, still young but a spitting image of her mother.

“Do you have all your things with you?”

Rangi’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Yes sir bu-”

“Your mother will be here to get you shortly.”

“Did I do something wrong sir?” Her hands tighten around each other as she tries to decipher if any of her actions in the recent days would be grounds for early dismissal from school.  _ But if mother is taking me home early then it must be bad. She still had classes to teach today. I can’t be in that much trouble. Can I? _

“You didn’t do anything wrong Rangi.” He gives her a strained smile before letting out a shaky breath. He tries to strengthen his resolve as he meets her eyes and something about that makes Rangi’s breath catch in her throat. 

“The school received a call this morning, for your mother. She had to leave right after, which is why you probably noticed that she hasn’t been here since the start of the day. Rangi, your father….he’s dead. They just returned with his body today.”

The words echoed through Rangi’s brain as her blood turned to ice, her heart stopping and stomach twisting. “No….no he-he wasn’t near any fighting. He was on a base training recruits. He was several countries away from any active warzone. You’re wrong. You-” She couldn’t breathe. The words kept sticking in her throat, empty pleas that the news wasn’t true. Her vision clouded over with stinging tears as she desperately tried to ground herself through the bite of her fingernails digging into her palms.

She barely registered the door opening, familiar slender arms wrapping around her shoulders. She was falling - plummeting - with no end in sight. Hei-Ran’s voice filtered through the ringing in her ears, “Come Rangi. We….we need to go.” As she inhaled her mother’s gentle lilac scent, she realized that the air felt like water. Drowning in grief, she nodded against her mother’s shoulder and brushed her off. Standing rigid like a sculpture standing on a crumbling foundation, she grabbed her bag, turned on her heel, and left.  _ Dad said that a soldier can properly grieve when the fighting is done. If you grieve too early, you get distracted. Distractions can get you killed. I won’t be distracted. I won’t let you down, Dad. _

***

Kyoshi hadn’t seen Rangi since she got called to the principal’s office right before lunch.  _ I told her she really needs to just let Aoma run her mouth.  _ As she walked down the corridors, a familiar lopsided smile caught her eye.

“You look so lost without your bodyguard Kyoshi,” Yun teased as he poked her arm.

Kyoshi rolled her eyes, “Oh stop it. I’m just worried, okay? It’s the end of the day and we haven’t seen her since before lunch. Do you think Principal Jianzhu sent her home?”

“Jianzhu would need to have a really good reason to send the star pupil home early you know. Although I haven’t seen Mrs. Sei’naka today. There was a substitute teacher when I walked into her classroom.”

Kyoshi frowned slightly at the new piece of information.  _ That’s weird. I definitely saw Hei-Ran this morning when Rangi and I got to school. _ She grunted in surprise when a wayward finger pushed against her cheek. “Yun!”

“Sorry, you just looked like the grumpy cat meme and I couldn’t resist,” Yun laughed.

“Remind me again why we’re friends.”

“Because I’m fun. And you and Rangi were in desperate need of fun.”

Kyoshi sticks her tongue out at Yun and is met with another charismatic laugh. A small smile flits across her lips as she pulls out her cell phone, quickly bringing up Rangi’s contact.

**Kyoshi**

Hey so you didn’t come back after lunch and I got worried.

Is everything okay?

Closing her phone and returning it to her pocket, Kyoshi nudged Yun as they exited the school grounds. “You still want help with science, right?”

Yun sighs dramatically, “Yeahhhh. Kelsang is fine with me coming over?”

“Of course. As long as you don’t eat his almond cookies again.”

Yun smiles sheepishly and hooks his arm through Kyoshi’s as they make their way down towards her home. Thoughts of Rangi still drift around the back of Kyoshi’s head, but she decides that she’ll just ask her about it tomorrow.

***

Tomorrow turned out to be two weeks later. Two weeks of unread text messages and unanswered calls. Even though Kyoshi was mildly hurt by the unexpected cold shoulder, she found herself angry at her usually steadfast best friend. They had never really fought before and this didn’t particularly feel like a fight, even though it hurt.  _ But it certainly feels like I’m being punished for something though. _

Kyoshi’s mood had gradually soured over the course of the two weeks, to the point where Yun knew not to crack a joke about it. Her usually kind and quiet demeanor was now guarded and prickly. So when she finally caught sight of a familiar topknot making its way across the front courtyard, she couldn’t stop the rage bubbling up to the surface. Her long legs carried her quickly to the shorter girl, cutting her off before she could reach the front steps.

“Fancy seeing you here. For how often you answered my messages, I didn’t even know if you were alive,” Kyoshi said bitterly.

Rangi’s face crumpled a bit at the comment, but she hastily put her mask back on. Swallowing thickly she stared at Kyoshi’s lips, unable to raise her eyes higher as she quietly replied, “Sorry. There was just….a lot that needed to get done.”

A little put off by the response, Kyoshi tilted her head slightly.  _ Why isn’t she looking at me? _ Deciding to voice her thoughts, Kyoshi opened her mouth but was cut off by a different voice.

“I was wondering if you were coming back, Sei'naka. It’s a shame about your dad, guess he wasn’t really that good of a fighter after all. How dishonorable, to die a coward,” Koulin mocked Rangi as she leaned against the side of the stairs.

Kyoshi’s breath caught in her throat at those words and her eyes snapped to Koulin.  _ No….no Junsik can’t be dead. Rangi…. _ As her eyes moved back to Rangi, she blinked in surprise as she saw nothing but empty space. A sickening crack brought her attention back to Koulin, who was now rocking back on her heels, Rangi’s body firmly set in a fighting stance as she pressed forward.

“Rangi stop!” Kyoshi yelled as she made her way towards the duo. But her plea fell on deaf ears. 

Koulin fell into a fighting stance of her own and Rangi wasted no time advancing on her. Despite Koulin having some training in martial arts, Rangi lived and breathed it. Junsik and Hei-Ran had always wanted her to be able to defend herself, and she started lessons as soon as she could. Her dedication to training was definitely showing now. In the few seconds it took Kyoshi to close the gap between them, Rangi had Koulin pinned beneath her and was raining blows down on the trapped girl.

Realizing she was severely outmatched, Koulin began screaming. Unsurprisingly, Rangi was quicker, her fist connecting with her jaw and effectively silencing her as the impact hit its desired mark. Koulin’s eyes rolled back as her body went limp, but Rangi was lost in a haze of fury and pain. Her body moved on autopilot while her mind spiraled down a darker path.

All Rangi could see was red. Red covering her hands. Red staining her clothes.  _ It won’t wash out.  _ Red splattering across Koulin’s face. Red painting the stairs and the grass around them.  _ It won’t wash out.  _ Red dripping off the small dagger Junsik had secretly given her for her 10th birthday two years ago. Red running down her arms and washing down the shower drain.  _ It won’t wash out.  _ Red holes across her father’s body. Red satin covering the casket.  _ It won’t wash o-- _

Strong arms wrap around her torso, lifting her off the broken girl on the floor. There are voices now, fading in and out, but she can’t make out words. Everything is blurry and she sways slightly on her feet, steady hands anchoring her in place. Her chest is heaving with shallow breaths, her body shaking with adrenaline and anger.  _ I can’t breathe. Stop. Let me go. Stop. _ The arms around become restricting and she tenses.  _ I need to get out of here. Run. _ So she easily extricates her way out of the firm but inefficient grip and takes off running down the street without a backward glance.  _ Don’t stop. If you stop, you’ll drown. Don’t stop. _

Kyoshi can do nothing but watch as Rangi sprints away from the school. She vaguely registers the growing commotion around her, her eyes still focused on the corner where Rangi just turned and disappeared. A hand on her shoulder startles her out of her stupor, her eyes turning to meet Yun’s worried jade ones.

“Kyoshi what happened?”

  
No words come so she settles for shaking her head as she glances down at her blood stained hands. She glances up in hopes that she’ll catch a glimpse of Rangi one more time, but finds no sign of her. Jianzhu and Hei-Ran arrive with some other faculty members and Kyoshi finds herself locking eyes with blazing gold shimmering with thinly veiled fear as they rapidly search for the younger matching set. 

_ Rangi please be okay. Gods, please let her be okay. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided there's going to be a sort of follow up chapter for this before I continue to another snapshot of life. If you think it's going to be happy to offset this chapter....I'm very sorry.


	3. All The Damn Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A follow up to the previous chapter because I couldn't just leave it like that. Kyoshi and Rangi finally talk (sort of).

Somehow Hei-Ran and Jianzhu had managed to run damage control on the fallout of the fight between Rangi and Koulin. Rangi had been suspended for only a week and Koulin ended up transferring to another school.  The rest of the school year had gone off without a hitch. Well, kind of. Rangi threw herself back into school, ensuring that she remained at the top of the class. Any free time was filled up at the gym or at the martial arts studio. Kyoshi and Yun only saw her in class or during the passing period. 

Kyoshi had failed to break the forced isolation, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. She tried to find Rangi during lunch, waited for her in the mornings outside the school since they weren’t walking together anymore, even stood outside her classrooms to walk her to her next class. But despite her efforts, she never received anything more than a slight nod of acknowledgement from the shorter girl. Eventually she stopped trying, realizing that Rangi probably needed space. So she continued to care for her from afar. Kelsang helped her cook fire flakes, Rangi’s favorite snack, and she left a container of them in Rangi’s locker every week. Sometimes she’d leave a bag of new hand wraps and band-aids in the locker too, knowing that Rangi ruined the wraps pretty quickly at training. It hurt, but at least she could still show Rangi that she was there for her.

Now months have passed since news of Junsik’s passing had come to light. The season had shifted to summer, the days seeming to lengthen as the sun remained suspended in the sky. With school out for summer break, there was no longer an excuse for them to be in the same place, so Kyoshi hadn’t seen her best friend for over a month. Rangi’s purposeful avoidance at school made it clear that she wanted to be left alone, but Kyoshi was losing her mind. Most of her texts had been unopened or unanswered and Kyoshi was sick of it. She understood that Rangi was still hurting, but it wasn’t okay for her to be suffering alone.

With her mind made up, Kyoshi had woken early and prepared a traditional Air Nation feast. The food of Kelsang’s people always reminded her of calmness, safety, and home. When he had first brought her home after signing the adoption papers, Kyoshi had been scared. But after the first few meals and the gentle giant’s reassuring demeanor, Kyoshi became excited to learn all about her savior’s culture. She and Rangi had spent countless weekends in the kitchen with Kelsang, dancing around to songs from all four nations and trying (and in Rangi’s case, usually failing) to replicate the delicate dishes. 

The food now properly prepared and packaged, Kyoshi tucked it neatly in her arms and stepped out into the late morning sun. It was a beautiful day in Yokoya, a stark contrast to the usually dreary gray mornings and rainy nights. The walk to the Sei’naka house was simple, Kyoshi having memorized the route long ago. As her feet took her down the familiar path, she let her thoughts wander.

_ I hope she’ll actually let me in. At the very least, I can drop off the food for her and her mom. But we really need to talk. Just be firm. She’s always firm. Maybe I’ve just been too meek. She always said she respects people who can command a room, so I just have to figure out how to do that. Maybe. I don’t want to be mean though. Ugh.  _ Kyoshi frowns a bit as she turns onto their street.  _ Maybe I didn’t think this through all the way. Too late now though. Chin up, Kyoshi. Be strong. For her. _

Taking a deep breath, she squared her shoulders and walked up the stone steps to her favorite oak door. Awkwardly shifting the food in her grip, she reached up to the polished brass door knocker and swung it down. The heavy  _ clank _ resonated through the door and she took a step back, readjusting her grip on the containers once more.

Time seemed to slow as she stood on the landing. It felt like hours had passed even though it had only been about a minute since she knocked. Feeling unusually anxious, she stepped forward and reached for the brass piece once again, just as the door swung open. Startled by the sudden movement, Kyoshi let out a small yelp and quickly scrambled to prevent the food from scattering across the stone floor.

Hei-Ran stands in the door frame, shooting out a hand to steady the gangly tall girl before returning to her impassive position. An embarrassed blush crawling up her cheeks, Kyoshi cleared her throat and gave a bashful smile. There was always a small part of her that was terrified of the woman. Not that Hei-Ran was mean in any way. She just had a rather strict and proper way of doing things, including showing love. Over the years, Kyoshi had grown accustomed to the polar opposite of Kelsang, but that didn’t stop her from being slightly terrified of the awe-inspiring woman.

Even standing in her own home, Hei-Ran exuded poise and excellence. Her posture and demeanor left no room for argument or tomfoolery. Kyoshi met her gaze, expecting to find the familiar gold shining with a mixture of annoyance, fondness, and amusement. But instead she found dull bronze, reflecting a tiredness and pain that was well hidden by all other parts of her body. 

A small, sad smile pulled at the corner of her lips as she regarded her daughter’s closest friend. “Good morning Kyoshi. It’s been some time since I’ve last seen you.”

Kyoshi paused at the hint of strain in Hei-Ran’s voice, her smile slipping from her own lips. “I know, it’s been too long. It’s good to see you Hei-Ran.” Shifting the food in her grip she continues, “I got bored and made way too much food today, so I thought I would drop by to say hello and fill up your fridge. Is that okay?”

Hei-Ran nods and grabs a few of the containers to lessen the load as she motions for Kyoshi to enter. “Of course. You know you’re always welcome here.”

Kyoshi steps through the doorway and quickly makes her way to the kitchen. The sound of the door closing and the heavy lock clicking into place echo through the eerily quiet house. Kyoshi gets to work neatly piling all the containers on the counter as Hei-Ran joins her. They work in comfortable silence until the food is all stored in the fridge. After a few moments of stillness, Hei-Ran steps forward and wraps her arms around Kyoshi, hugging her tightly. Kyoshi stiffens in surprise, the woman usually not one to show such physical affection, but quickly recovers and returns the hug.

There’s a sharp inhale from above her head as Hei-Ran regains some composure. Carefully extricating herself from the hug, she takes a step back and gives Kyoshi a tired smile.

“I’m glad you’re here. Rangi….we haven’t talked much.” Her eyes glass over momentarily, her gaze becoming distant as she softly continues, “Maybe she’ll talk to you. You can find her in her room.”

Kyoshi nods and moves towards the stairs leading to the bedrooms. “I’ll do my best.”

“Kyoshi?”

Kyoshi stops at the foot of the stairs, turning back towards the tired woman in the open kitchen. “Yes ma’am?”

“Please be gentle. I know you must be upset about how harsh she’s been towards you. Please understand that she’s just trying to protect herself. You mean more to her than you know. Pushing you away hasn’t been easy.”

Kyoshi clenches her jaw in frustration.  _ I know that. But it doesn’t make it fair. _ Taking a calming breath she bows her head slightly and offers a soft “I understand” before ascending the stairs. 

Walking down the empty hallway towards Rangi’s bedroom, she found the silence disquieting. The Sei’naka household wasn’t usually a boisterous place, but the quiet usually felt soothing. Controlled. Like the people who live here.  _ Lived here _ . The family pictures lining the walls offered stark reminders of the bright light that had been taken from them too soon.

Kyoshi stopped in front of the last door in the hallway, eyes tracing the signature neat script that spelled out ‘Rangi’ across the center of the door. She tried to listen for anything on the other side of the door, but was again greeted by silence.  _ Here goes nothing. _ Reaching her hand up, Kyoshi readied herself for whatever would come next and knocked on the door. After a few minutes of no response, Kyoshi huffed in annoyance and turned the handle. Pushing open the door slowly, she peeked her head in and scanned the room. 

It was the most disorganized Kyoshi had ever seen it. Her military upbringing meant that Rangi was a stickler for keeping things neat and tidy. Everything had its place and that’s where it needed to be. So to say Kyoshi was shocked is an understatement. The curtains were drawn over the windows, blanketing the room in relative darkness with only thin strips of light peeking their way through. Clothes were haphazardly thrown across the floor and cabinets. Papers littered the work desk on the far wall, crumpled pieces laying sporadically around the trash bin. The bed sheets look wrinkled, like they hadn’t been properly folded in weeks. 

And there in the center of the bed hidden under the comforter was a small ball shape with tangled black hair peeking out of the top. As Kyoshi studied the bed, she could just notice the slight shifting of the sheets that matched the breathing pace of the person hidden somewhere underneath. Closing the door behind her with a soft  _ click _ , Kyoshi slowly padded over to the bed. “Rangi?” She sat down gingerly on the bed as she called out softly. There was no response from the hidden lump and Kyoshi decided to leave it be for now. Glancing around the room once more, she nodded resolutely to herself and got to work.

***

_ What is that noise? _ Rangi had slowly been brought out of her trance by the sporadic sound of drawers and doors opening and closing. Grumbling softly to herself, she pulled the blankets in tighter around herself, willing the noise away. After several more minutes without getting her wish, Rangi angrily poked her head out of her cocoon. 

“AGH,” she yelled, immediately assaulted by the bright sunlight filtering through her open windows. Kyoshi immediately startled at the noise, whipping around to stare wide eyed at the angry head emerging from the sheets. Rubbing her eyes aggressively, Rangi blinked quickly to adjust to the light before sitting up, still grimacing at the rude awakening. “Mother I already told you --” The tirade paused as she saw Kyoshi holding a stack of clothes in the middle of her room, frozen like a deer in headlights. 

She blinked again as they locked eyes for a brief second before her bronze gaze drifted to the rest of the room.  _ How long has she been in here? _ The room was spotless. Clothes that had been accumulating over the weeks were gone, the polished wood floors swept clean. The papers on her desk were mostly gone, only a few neatly stacked in the corner. The curtains were drawn back, windows propped open a bit to let in the comfortable fresh air.

Another soft thud brought her attention back to the girl in question, who had just closed a drawer and was now standing empty handed by the dresser. Fidgeting with her hands, the taller girl finally spoke up, “I didn’t mean to wake you. I just figured I’d help clean up a bit while you were resting.”

Rangi just nodded mutely, eyes eventually drifting down to her lap as she slowly pulled the comforter up around her tightly.  _ I need to get her out. She can’t be here. She’s a distraction. I can’t have distractions, I need to be strong. I can’t keep being so weak. I need to be strong. Be strong, come on. He’s gone, the least you can do is listen to his advice. Come on. You can do this. Just get rid of her. You don’t need her. You don’t need anyone. Come on. _

Kyoshi frowned and walked over to the foot of the bed, cautiously sitting down. Now that she was closer, she noticed that the smaller girl was shaking slightly. Dark circles sat below her eyes and her fingers were clenched into fists around the end of her long sleeved shirt.  _ Rangi only wears tanks to sleep. She always complains that she gets too hot. _ Her frown deepening, Kyoshi reached forward and gently brushed her fingertips on top of clenched fists.

Rangi jerked away like she’d been burned, her eyes flashing with a mixture of fear, longing, and pain. “What are you doing here,” she asks sharply. 

Kyoshi feels the fight building despite knowing that she shouldn’t rise to the bait. “I made some dumplings this morning and brought some over for you and your m--”

“We didn’t ask for your help,” Rangi shouted.

Kyoshi reels back like she’d been slapped. Rangi had never yelled at her before. Swallowing back the surprise, she tries again, “I-I know that. I didn’t mean to imply that --”

“Just stop. Go home. We don’t need your help. I don’t need you,” Rangi cut her off coldly.

_ She’s just scared and angry. She didn’t mean it. She didn’t mean it. _ Still, Kyoshi could feel the tears building at the harsh words. Turning away, she quickly wiped away stray tears. She heard rustling as the bed shifted, and a quick glance back showed Rangi disappearing under the heavy comforter once more. Letting out a defeated sigh, Kyoshi got up and quietly made her way back to the door.

Reaching for the handle, a soft sound made her pause. Holding her breath she waited a few more moments.  _ There it is again. _ A muffled whimper reached her ears and she turned to stare at the bed. The lump of blankets was shaking more noticeably, jerking harshly every couple of seconds. Tilting her chin up towards the ceiling, Kyoshi took a few calming breaths before making her way to the side of the bed Rangi wasn’t facing.

Grabbing the sheets firmly, she pulled, effectively unraveling the back half of the blanket cocoon. Rangi immediately tensed and flailed, trying futile to save her carefully crafted pile of comfort. For once, Kyoshi was faster and she slipped in behind her, wrapping an arm firmly across her torso. Tucking her legs up and resting her forehead on the crown of Rangi’s head, Kyoshi positioned herself solidly as the big spoon. Rangi’s breathing was erratic as she tried to push Kyoshi off, but the taller girl's size gave her an advantage in strength. Eventually, the harsh breathing turned to broken cries, her fingers digging into Kyoshi’s arm as her body was racked with sobs. Kyoshi shut her eyes and held her tightly, afraid that the smaller girl would shake apart in her arms.

“I’m sorry. I’m here now. I’m here. I’m sorry,” Kyoshi murmured softly against her hair. Minutes turned to hours and Rangi’s sobs had quieted to small whimpers that created fissures along Kyoshi’s heart. Rangi had always been the strong one, the protector of their motley group. It destroyed Kyoshi to see her so broken. 

By the time quiet had taken the room once more, the shadows had changed their angles as the sun pushed towards late afternoon. Rangi slowly turned herself so that she could face Kyoshi, curling her body up against the taller frame. Kyoshi repositioned herself so she could wrap both arms around the other girl, holding her close. With Rangi’s head now tucked tightly under her chin, she felt warm air ghost over her collarbone as Rangi exhaled a shaky breath. Gentle fingers traced patterns along the curled back, eventually reaching up to brush against the short black hairs at the nape of Rangi’s neck.

“I’m sorry.” The broken voice sounded muffled as Rangi whispered against her chest. 

Kyoshi hummed softly in response, slowly running her palm along her back. “It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it. Please let me help. I hate that you’re hurting and you won’t let me in.”

The only response she gets is a few stray sniffles as Rangi’s hands clutch onto the front of her shirt. “It just….it hurts so much. And I thought I could ignore it, I thought I could be strong, but….” Her body tenses again as she struggles to keep her fragile composure.

“Hey, it’s okay. I mean like….it’s okay for it to hurt. You don’t need to be so strong all the time Rangi.”

Rangi shakes her head slowly as she tries to burrow closer to Kyoshi. “Please don’t leave me,” she pleads softly, tears starting to run down her cheeks once more. 

“Never. You’re stuck with me forever.”

Finally finding common ground with each other once again, Kyoshi dutifully curled herself around the smaller frame and held her close. There would be plenty of time to air their grievances later. For now, she was content to be there for her grieving friend. Whatever tomorrow brought, they would face it together.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some resolved angst, yay!
> 
> Get ready for another time jump next chapter. And don't get too mad at me...😅


	4. Then It Was Over (Roads Divide)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio finish high school and get ready to start their college adventures. Well...2 of them do.

Kyoshi couldn’t believe they’d done it. They actually graduated.  _ I actually graduated! _ If she had gone back in time and told her younger self at the orphanage that she would graduate high school near the top of the class, have a strong group of friends, and be offered a full ride scholarship to a top university, little her would’ve laughed in her face. But here she was, standing out on the football field, surrounded by cheering classmates and graduation caps falling from the sky.

Yun catches his cap with a yell, spinning with a flourish before flashing his signature grin at Kyoshi. Throwing his arms around her, they both laugh and revel in the moment.  _ Two orphans actually making it to the big leagues. Who would’ve guessed.  _ Her gaze drifts to her opposite side, landing on Rangi. The valedictorian had a much more subdued celebration in comparison, a bittersweet smile across her lips as her fingers traced the edges of her graduation cap.

Sensing eyes on her, Rangi turned and met Kyoshi’s gaze.  _ She’s going to hate me. _ The smile she flashes the giant girl doesn’t quite reach her eyes as she walks over to Kyoshi and Yun. Yun is quick to pull her into a group hug and she allows herself to savor the moment.  _ Remember this. It might be the last good memory you have. _ She squeezes her best friends a little tighter and pushes down the wave of emotions threatening to break through her carefully crafted facade. 

Kyoshi can sense that something is off, but knows better than to push.  _ She’ll tell me when she’s ready. _ Instead she plants a furtive kiss on the top of her head. They had been skirting around their emotions and they both knew it, neither one willing to make the first move.  _ Maybe now that we’ll all be going to new places, it can mean a new start. Maybe together.... _ Kyoshi chews her lip nervously at the thought, but quickly shakes off the idea as she notices that their classmates have started to disperse.

Pulling back from the group hug, Kyoshi straightens out her gown and motions to the other two. “Come on guys, we shouldn’t keep our families waiting. Besides, Kelsang is very excited to host a proper party.” 

Yun starts excitedly rambling about all the possible food dishes and Rangi just shakes her head at his antics. She and Kyoshi share a quick glance as the trio make their way off the field and towards the bleachers full of friends and families. They were finally going to be free of Yokoya.

***

Ba Sing Se was enormous. Yun and Kyoshi couldn’t believe their eyes. To them, this wasn’t a city; it was a whole continent. Skyscrapers touched the clouds as far as the eye could see. Thousands upon thousands of houses spiraled outwards from the center of the massive metropolis. They stared in awe, mouths agape for the whole train ride in. Rangi snickered at their child-like glee, since she had seen the city a handful of times before.

Getting off at the last stop, the trio made their way into the heart of Ba Sing Se with their parents trailing closely behind. The University of Ba Sing Se was the most prestigious in the Earth Kingdom, ranking just below Caldera University as the second highest ranked college in the entire United Republic. Its campus spanned for miles just south of the capitol building where the chosen representatives and leaders of the Earth Kingdom reside.

The group spent the next few hours maneuvering through the city streets and campus, finally finding their way to the place they’d call home for the next 4 years. Kelsang had convinced Jianzhu to pull some strings and was able to secure an apartment for Kyoshi and Yun that was only a 5 minute walk from campus.

As they approached the steps of their new home, the two felt a surge of energy and burst in through the front door to stare at the entryway to their home. The parents and Rangi slowly started shoving the bags and boxes they’d been towing into the room as Kyoshi and Yun ran off to scan every inch of the new space. Eventually they returned to the common room and everyone pitched in to help unpack. The rest of the Sunday was filled with light hearted jokes and friendly banter as the trio prepared themselves for the next part of their lives.

Yun’s parents had to return to Yokoya that night because they were expected in conference meetings in the early morning, so they left shortly after dinner. Kelsang, Hei-Ran, and Rangi had rented 2 rooms at a nearby hotel for the week. They insisted on staying while Kyoshi and Yun settled into their new place and the new city.

The rest of the week flew by without a hitch. It felt just like home, but in a physically different place. The trio spent as much time together as they could, refusing to acknowledge the fact that they would be losing one person at the end of the week. Friday approached far too fast, and the friends tried to lengthen every second of it. But the sun yields for no one, and soon enough the night was falling on their last day.

Hei-Ran and Kelsang had checked out of the hotel earlier and had busied themselves for the day in order to give the kids their privacy. They returned to the apartment for proper heartfelt goodbye’s, making Kyoshi and Yun promise to keep in touch. As they exited the apartment, Hei-Ran pulled Rangi outside.

“Do you want me to wait out here or at the train station?”

Rangi contemplated her decision for a moment before quietly responding, “At the train station please.”

Hei-Ran gives a nod and turns to catch up to Kelsang.

“Mom?”

She pauses and turns back around to face her daughter. The past 18 years have passed in the blink of an eye. The girl -  _ woman  _ \- before her is a completely different person than who she was a few years ago. And here she stands on the precipice of a life altering decision, nervously picking at her nails like she did when she was 4. Hei-Ran patiently waits, knowing that Rangi needed to set the pace for this.

“Do you think she’ll hate me?” Rangi’s voice cracked a bit at the end of her question but she brushed it off, hoping her mother wouldn’t notice. Hei-Ran carefully brings her hands up to cup her daughter’s face, meeting her gaze purposefully. 

“No. I don’t think that girl is capable of hating you. And maybe she won’t understand, but that’s okay. The bottom line is that you need to tell her. Whatever happens, know that I will be here. Okay?”

She plants a gentle kiss on the center of her forehead and wraps her arms around her. Rangi nods and squeezes her back, taking solace in her mother’s protective embrace. After a few deep breaths, she pulls back and gives her mother a timid smile.

“Thank you. I’ll catch up with you and Kelsang soon.”

Hei-Ran gives a quick nod, pats Rangi’s cheek, and leaves. Rangi stands in the empty hallway for a few more moments, reveling in the silence. Turning on her heel, she walks back into the apartment and is immediately assaulted by dramatic screams and a couch cushion straight to the face. An unimpressed look plasters across her features as she stares at her friends who are struggling to keep straight faces as they cower in mock fear on the couch.

“You’re idiots, both of you.”

“Yeah but you love us,” Yun laughs as he gets up to give her a bear hug.

Rangi relents and allows herself to enjoy this moment with Yun. They exchange their goodbye’s and playful threats, Yun receiving a sharp punch for his efforts. He pats Kyoshi on the head and offers a quick goodnight to them both before disappearing into his bedroom, the door closing with a quiet  _ click _ . Rangi sits on the couch next to Kyoshi and the pair stare at each other in silence for a few moments. Kyoshi is the first to break their reverie.

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I know.”

“Who’s going to protect me from the school bullies?”

“You’re a bit tall for people to bully you, you know.”

“It can still happen.”

“I trust Yun to save you.”

“Why didn’t you want to come with us?”

Rangi sighs and fidgets slightly in her seat.  _ Now or never I guess. _ “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to come with you. I just….I’ve already agreed to something else.”

Kyoshi makes a frustrated noise and waves her hand around in the air. “Yes, yes, this mystery agreement that no one seems to know about except you. It’s vaguely insulting that Yun and I have to keep guessing what you’re doing with y--”

“I enlisted in the United Republic Army.”

Kyoshi’s mouth hung open in shock, her thoughts screeching to a halt. “W-what?”

“I….I ship out to base for training on Monday.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?!” Kyoshi’s voice rose in anger and disbelief.

“I didn’t want to ruin the rest of the time we had together. I didn’t want you doing something stupid, like throwing away your scholarship to make a point.”

Kyoshi’s fists clenched in fury.  _ How could she? Why would she want to join the military, after everything it took from her? How could she leave m-- _

“I’m sorry,” Rangi murmured softly. She gently places her hand on top of Kyoshi’s clenched fists, locking eyes with blazing emeralds. “I don’t expect you to understand. And there’s no sense in arguing now anyways. I just....couldn’t leave without telling you.”

“Rangi, please….you can still back out. You can stay here with me and Yun! Please don’t --”

Kyoshi’s pleas are cut off by soft lips covering her own. She inhales sharply in surprise as her eyelids flutter shut.  _ Rangi’s kissing me. Ohmygods I’m kissing Rangi. _ The butterflies in her stomach threaten to burst through her lungs as their lips move together easily, like remembering a long-buried memory. Rangi pulls away slowly, resting a shaky hand on Kyoshi’s cheek. They’re both out of breath from the short moment, faces flushed as Rangi brushes her nose against Kyoshi’s.

“I’m so sorry. I hope you can forgive me one day….I love you Kyoshi,” she whispers against her lips, stealing one last kiss before she stands up and runs out the front door. Deafening silence takes the room as Kyoshi is left sitting in a daze, the taste of her love lingering on her lips while her heart shatters to pieces.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wasn't kidding about the angst train. It's just going to keep tooting along.
> 
> Thanks for the continued support!


	5. Let Me Tell You Something You’ll Understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyoshi and Yun have been gliding through college while Rangi has been climbing in the army ranks. Everyone's favorite soldier is finally coming back to Yokoya for a visit. But what does that mean for her and Kyoshi?

“Kyoshi hurry up, we’re going to be late!”

Kyoshi huffs in annoyance at Yun’s yells, quickly shoving the rest of her things in the trunk before hopping into the passenger seat. She slumps in the seat and gives him a pointed stare. Yun can’t help the grin that flits across his face as he throws the car into gear and pulls out onto the empty road.

“Yun, it’s literally 4 am. How exactly are we going to be late to a party that starts at 1 IN THE AFTERNOON.”

“You should know by now that there’s always traffic in this enormous city. I know you’re a giant so there’s never any traffic in your eyesight but there’s a lot for the rest of us. And we wanted to get there early so we could settle in, remember?”

Kyoshi grumbles at his teasing, quickly fastening her seatbelt before turning to stare out the window. This early in the morning, Ba Sing Se was peaceful. The street lights gave off a gentle glow, barely outlining the occasional trees and rows of buildings. It was the only time you could just make out the stars, since most of the brilliant lights shut off at 3 am to conserve energy.

“Are you nervous?” Yun’s voice breaks through the soft music.

Kyoshi feels herself frowning in response. Shifting back in her seat and crossing her arms, she makes a noncommittal noise in response.

“Kyoshi, we don’t have to go.”

“No, I need to,” Kyoshi lets out a deep sigh before dropping her voice to a low whisper, “I need to see her.”

Yun nods silently, letting the words hang in the calm early morning air as he let his mind drift to that night 3 years ago. He had come back into the common room after hearing the front door slam only to find Kyoshi sitting alone on the couch with tears running down her face. He had held her as she cried, trying to make sense of the swift turn of events. Eventually Kyoshi had calmed down enough to recount what had transpired, and Yun felt his heart break for both of his friends. It had taken some time, but Yun had convinced Kyoshi to talk to a therapist. It turned out to be the outlet she needed.

Days turned to months and before they knew it, they were starting their last year of college. News of Rangi was sparse, but they made an effort to hang onto any bit of their friend that they could. Which is why they were driving back home to Yokoya at 4 in the morning. Rangi was finally coming home. Hei-Ran said it would be a short stay before her next deployment, her daughter already rising through the ranks at a break-neck speed. But it was the first time she would be in Yokoya since she left. Kelsang insisted on throwing a surprise party, unwilling to pass up the opportunity to gather all his favorite people in one place again.

It had taken some convincing, but Yun had gotten Kyoshi to agree. It had been years and he knew that the stubborn oaf would avoid confronting any of it if he let her. He hadn’t voiced all of his concerns, but he pushed her on this because he knew that the future could be dangerous. Although he didn’t know much about Rangi’s next deployment, it was very possible she was going somewhere that she wouldn’t make it back from. And Kyoshi would never forgive herself if Rangi died and they never talked because she was too stubborn to make the first move.

“What am I even going to say to her, Yun?”

Yun glanced over at his friend before focusing back on the road once more. “Well, what do you want to say?”

“That she’s a dick.”

Yun snorted. Kyoshi had never had a silver tongue, and her blunt way of talking had only increased with age.

“Then tell her she’s a dick.”

Kyoshi stared at him like he’d just grown two heads. “Are you insane?”

“Not today, no.”

“She’ll kill me.”

“She definitely won’t.”

“Questionable….I’ll think of something,” she mutters before she turns the radio up a little louder, hoping to drown out her thoughts for the rest of the ride.

***

Rangi was surprisingly excited to be going back to Yokoya. She’d had a few opportunities to leave base, but she’d been spending that time off in Ember Island with her mother. This would be the first time she stepped foot in Yokoya since graduating high school. That sense of home she’d been missing was making itself known again.

Walking briskly down the airport corridors towards the curbside pick up area, Rangi noticed another feeling bubbling in her stomach. One she hadn’t felt since she left Yokoya without so much as a backward glance. Guilt.  _ I shouldn’t have kissed Kyoshi. I shouldn’t have left her like that. She must hate me. _ Her stomach twisted at the thought but she harshly shoved the feeling aside. 

Finally stepping away from the crowds of travelers, bronze eyes easily pick out her mother standing by the far doors with a rare smile on her face. Rangi feels her own lips turn up in a similar smile as she rushes the rest of the way into her mother’s open arms.

“It’s good to have you home, little dragon. I’ve missed you,” Hei-Ran says as she wraps her arms tightly around her daughter, cheek resting against soft black tresses.

“I missed you too mom. It’s really good to see you,” Rangi replies, voice muffled against her mother’s shirt.

Hei-Ran pulls back, eyes shining with unshed tears as she peppers kisses across Rangi’s face. Rangi grimaced in mock embarrassment, secretly missing the days when her mother was always this outwardly affectionate. They had both grown a lot over the past years. Though they originally drifted apart after Junsik’s death, the pair worked hard to meet back in the middle. Nowadays, they were much closer than before and Rangi couldn’t be more grateful to have a constant supporter.

The car ride home was filled with quiet conversation about all that they’d missed. Hei-Ran’s newest students. Rangi’s latest achievements and assignments. Kelsang’s latest craft that turned out far better than anyone thought it would. Rangi’s promotion and recruitment. Yun and Kyoshi’s success at the university. Rangi quieted at the mention of Kyoshi, the guilt starting to resurface again. Hei-Ran gently tapped her daughter’s thigh, knowing that supportive words wouldn’t mean much in this moment. 

As the car pulled into the driveway of their home, Rangi let out a content sigh at the familiar site.  _ Home. _ As soon as the car was put in park, Rangi jumped out and quickly grabbed her pack. She felt rejuvenated finally being somewhere where she knew all the places and faces. Bouncing lightly on her toes, she grips the straps running over her shoulders and sprints up the front stairs. Waiting by the front door, she turns to see her mother smiling fondly up at her as she ascends. Hei-Ran makes a show of slowly searching through her bag for the keys before she’s interrupted by an annoyed huff. 

“Mother,” Rangi whines impatiently.

“Alright, alright,” Hei-Ran relents and quickly unlocks the door, gesturing for Rangi to enter. Her daughter pushes her way through, taking a deep breath as the sense of safety finally washes over her. Almost immediately, she tenses.  _ Something’s off. _ Stopping in the hallway, she glances back at her mother, who seems unphased. Quietly taking her pack off and resting it on the floor, Rangi creeps forward slowly. As she rounds the corner into the spacious living room, she barely has enough time to react before -

“Welcome home!” Familiar faces suddenly appear from behind furniture and adjacent doorways. Rangi just manages to refrain from having a violent reaction and instead stands motionless and shell-shocked in the entryway. She notices a familiar presence flank her as her mother gently rubs her back and pushes her forward. “I hope you don’t mind, but everyone was really excited to see you.”

Rangi flashes her a shaky smile, slowly recovering from the shock of seeing everyone so soon. Her eyes drift over the happy faces, drawn quickly to boisterous laughs and quick movements. After adjusting, she makes her rounds, sharing hugs and smiles with faces she’d only recently been seeing in her memories. Kelsang was the last noticeable person to greet her, as he wrapped her in a fierce bear hug. Easily lifting her off the ground, he swayed them from side to side. “I’ve missed you, little spitfire. It’s been far too boring without your bright energy around.”

Laughing softly as he lowered her back onto the ground, Rangi replied, “I feel the same about you Kelsang. We could really use someone with your spirit around on base.”

He gives her a bright smile and plants a kiss on the top of her head before she’s tackled to the side. Pivoting with ease, she barely stops herself from throwing her attacker to the floor. The unnecessary yelling finally filters through to her ears and she turns to see the forever young face of Yun.

“YOU’RE BACK! Omg there’s so much to tell you. And there’s so much you have to tell me. School’s been great. I mean great is a bit of a stretch. But we’re not failing so I mean yeah. Oh, I got this really cool job working for a Ba Sing Se emissary. You seem like you got taller. Is that possible? Anyways, so there’s --” Yun’s rapid fire speech was cut off by a hand clasping over his mouth.

Rangi raises an eyebrow at him but can’t help the smile spreading across her lips. She quickly repositioned herself to hug him tightly, burying her face against his shoulder. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, she missed Yun. He always had a way of showing people the bright side of things. He excelled at manipulating your attention right where he wanted it.  _ A distraction….shit. _ Her head shot up as her eyes feverishly flicked about the room, finally landing on a tall woman with a freckled face. Bronze eyes met emerald green and everything stopped.

***

It was night now, the party coming to a close and the last of the guests heading out about an hour ago. Kyoshi was sitting in the backyard, on the hill that looks out over the cliffs that meet the ocean a few miles off. Her reunion with Rangi had been….tense. They kept up with pleasantries and put on a show for the sake of the other guests, but to those that knew what had transpired between the two, they appeared stiff and unsure. 

The stillness of the early night provided a much needed sense of calm for Kyoshi. Being in that house, with the girl who held far too much power over her, felt like walking through a dream. For a few moments, she could pretend like nothing had changed. It was just the trio hanging out like they did in the old days. But reality would come slamming back in on her daydreaming and it got overwhelming. So she retreated outside and perched herself on her and Rangi’s favorite hill, letting the view quiet her thoughts.

The gentle rustle of footsteps through grass broke her out of her reverie. Curling up into a ball, she rested her chin on her knees and waited. The footsteps stopped just to her left and there was a pause before a warm body settled down next to her. Rangi folded her legs beneath her and let out a deep breath as her eyes settled on the horizon. Neither spoke, both content to just be in each other’s presence for the first time in years. What felt like hours passed by before Rangi broke the silence.

“I didn’t expect you to be here.”

Kyoshi let out a small snort, “that’s kind of the point of a surprise party.” Rangi had to smile at that retort.

“I know. I just meant that I didn’t think you would come. To see me.”

The taller girl turned her head so she could see her. The outskirts of Yokoya had very little light pollution, so the moon and stars could easily be seen. Their pale light outlined the soldier’s silhouette, her loose hair free from the usual topknot and blowing gently in the breeze.  _ Fuck, she’s beautiful. _

“Why wouldn’t I come to see you,” Kyoshi asked softly.

Bronze eyes flicked to hers before returning to the horizon. “Because you hate me.”

It was less the words and more of the delivery that had Kyoshi’s throat closing up. Rangi spoke with such conviction, like it was an indisputable fact that Kyoshi hated her.  _ Is that what she’s been thinking all this time? _ She clenched her jaw and let out an exasperated sigh.

“You’re a dick.”

Anxious eyes give an exaggerated roll. “Yes I know.”

“Guess the army made you stupid.”

Rangi’s head whipped around to face her, eyes suddenly flaring in anger. “Excuse me?!”

Kyoshi uncurled and turned to face her, meeting her gaze evenly. “You heard me.”

The soldier’s nostrils flared as she exhaled angrily, hands clenching and unclenching in an effort to keep from throttling the giant oaf in front of her. Opening her mouth to rip into her, Rangi doesn’t get a word out before Kyoshi’s lips are on hers. Kyoshi kisses her fiercely, pouring all of the pent up anger, relief, pain,  _ love _ into teeth and tongue and lips. And Rangi takes it all, letting the moment wash over her. She swears her heart could beat right out of her chest.

Kyoshi pulls away, leaving a hand cupping Rangi’s cheek. They’re both panting and flushed, Rangi’s face nearly glowing red. For a few moments the only sounds are their harsh breaths and the occasional crickets. Kyoshi runs her thumb slowly across the warm cheek, tracing down across parted lips. Green eyes meet bronze before flicking down to where her thumb is running across Rangi’s lower lip.

“So fucking stupid,” Kyoshi mutters as she leans in to kiss her softly.

Rangi can’t help the whimper that the sudden gentleness pulls from her. She also can’t stop the tears that have suddenly formed and decided to run down her cheeks. “Kyoshi,” she whispers against the gentle lips. Her voice betrays her emotions, a quiver leaking into her timbre. Kyoshi just hums and moves to kiss the tears away, body shifting to push Rangi backwards onto the grass. Rangi falls back, quickly grabbing the front of Kyoshi’s jacket to bring the tall girl down with her. Kyoshi follows easily, repositioning herself so she could continue with her kisses. Roughened hands tangle in light brown hair as their bodies settle closer to each other.

Kyoshi breaks a particularly firm kiss and brushes her nose against Rangi’s. “You didn’t give me a chance to say it back, but I love you too,” she says softly, her breath ghosting across parted lips.

Rangi lets out a choked sob before surging up for another kiss, her body shaking slightly under the weight of all the day’s emotions. Kyoshi takes it in stride, holding her close and muttering ‘I love you’s whenever they pull back for air. As the hours pass and the emotions simmer down, Kyoshi rolls onto her back and shifts Rangi on top of her. Wrapping her arms tightly around the smaller girl, Kyoshi places a kiss on the top of her head. Rangi buries her face in the crook of her neck and sniffles before letting out a gentle sigh. It only took them nearly 14 years, but they finally found what they were searching for. 

They were finally home.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm super sorry for the delay, vet school has been kicking my ass. Because of that, I've decided to leave you with some good feels for now.
> 
> Not to worry, your regularly scheduled angst train will be in service again in the next chapter. As always, thank you for the continued support!


	6. Quiet Seeds of Self Reliance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The road's been rough and our favorite girls are making it work. But time can weather even the strongest bonds. How much weight can they bear before one of them breaks? (Major angst chapter)
> 
> ***CHAPTER WARNINGS***  
> Explicit mentions of self-harm  
> Mention of suicide attempt  
> PTSD  
> Panic attacks
> 
> Please, please, please skip this chapter if you're worried any of the content might trigger you. As much as I love sharing my content, your safety and well being is my priority. Leave me a comment and I can give you a safer summary if you feel like you're missing out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone!
> 
> Wow last year was really something. I wanted to apologize for dropping off the face of the earth so suddenly. I promise I didn't abandon this piece! Grad school got real rough and my mental health decided to take a nose dive, so I wasn't able to write the way I wanted to.
> 
> That being said, I'll probably be updating a bit more sporadically now that school is in full swing. As always, I strive to be punctual buuuuut it is what it is. 
> 
> Thank you for being patient and sticking with me. It means the world to me <3

The past 5 years have been rough. Not in terms of Kyoshi’s professional life, but in terms of her personal life. Graduation had come and gone, with Rangi making it back for the day to celebrate. But then she was gone in the blink of an eye and Kyoshi started her job as a laboratory technician in the medical science division of Future Industries. The job was tedious but Kyoshi had always found that kind of work to be extremely rewarding in the long run. Though it kept her mind occupied during the day, inevitably her thoughts would wander as she laid down in bed for the night. Hair as black as night and fiery bronze eyes would dance behind her eyelids, the perfect movie to lull her into a comforting sleep. There had been a handful of nights when Rangi was home that they spent curled around each other in bed well into the late mornings, wanting to make the most of the limited time they had together.

When Rangi was away, they wrote letters to each other. Sometimes weeks or even months would go by before Kyoshi received a letter from her love, but it always came with an explanation. A deployment that took longer than it should have. A quick change to another base where the mail got lost for a brief time. A mission gone awry that needed to be dealt with immediately. Even better than the letters were the times she got to hear her voice. On rare occasions, Rangi would get to facetime her from whatever base she was stationed at. Kyoshi would never be able to stop the broad smile that stuck on her lips as the weary porcelain face, brilliant eyes, and always impeccable topknot flashed onto her screen. And it was enough.

Except now. Now it had been nearly 2 years since she’d heard from her soldier. Rangi mentioned in their last video call that she and her team were being shipped out on an extremely important, top secret assignment. It was projected to last anywhere from 8 to 16 months, if it went according to plan. The rather large time frame had made Kyoshi’s heart jump into her throat, but she put on a brave face and reassured her glowing girl that time didn’t matter in the end. She just had to promise to make it home. Rangi had nodded her head resolutely and given her a loving smile as she vowed to make it back to her gentle giant.

Some days were easier than others. Kyoshi would get lost in her usual routine and Yun would do his part to add more distractions to her free time. Today was not one of those days. Today the lab was closed for emergency renovations to the ventilation system, so she was essentially left with a 3 day weekend. Yun’s conference in Republic City was scheduled to run until Sunday, which meant she was stuck with only her thoughts to entertain her.

Kyoshi sighed to herself as she shuffled aimlessly around the apartment. It was barely noon and she was already bored out of her mind. Flopping onto the couch, she turned the TV on and left it on the cooking channel while she scrolled through her phone. Only half paying attention, she paused when she heard a knock at the door.  _ Huh, wonder who that is. Yun better not have ordered me lunch again. _ Dragging herself off the couch, she shuffled towards the door. The knocking came again, this time accompanied by a muffled voice.

“Delivery.”

Kyoshi grumbled to herself as she ran to her bedroom to grab her wallet. Pulling up Yun’s contact, she begins to type out an annoyed text to her friend.  _ For fuck’s sake Yun, I’m 26. I can feed myself.  _

“How much do I owe you,” she asks as she throws open the front door, still quickly typing on her phone.

“A kiss would be fine.”

Her thumbs pause as her breath catches in her throat.  _ I know that voice. _ Snapping her head up, she’s greeted with her favorite burnt bronze eyes and a small bouquet of fire lilies. Rangi stands in the hallway with a nervous smile, still dressed in her dark grey army uniform. Not a hair is out of place as she extends her arm forward, offering her gift to Kyoshi. 

The phone clatters to the ground as Kyoshi carefully takes the bouquet with shaking hands. Kicking the phone behind her towards the living room, she turns to place the flowers on the little table next to the door that Kelsang insisted on getting them. Slowly turning back, she inhales sharply as she notices Rangi just standing and watching her. A part of her was convinced she’d just seen a ghost. That her Rangi was still in some remote part of the world doing dangerous, incredible things.

But as she reached out and felt her fingers brush against a slim wrist, the world started spinning on a different axis. Not willing to hesitate any longer, Kyoshi pulls her inside, slams the door shut, and captures her soldier’s lips in a bruising kiss.

***

The early morning sun was just starting to peek through the blinds when Rangi began to stir. Her internal clock refused to let her enjoy the extra sleep. Slowly blinking away, she noticed the warm weight against the right side of her body. Glancing towards it, she found Kyoshi’s naked form pressed flush against her own. A tanned arm was thrown haphazardly across her waist, its weight anchoring her in the moment. Long healed chemical burns from a lab accident years ago peak between fingers, erasing some freckles as they crawl upwards. Placing a gentle kiss on top of tangled brown hair, she lets out a content hum. Rangi traces her fingertips softly along the long arm, slowly connecting the freckles that dust along its surface as she feels Kyoshi’s breathing pattern start to change.

A soft mumble bounces off her shoulder as Kyoshi frowns and curls tighter against her. Rangi lets out a quiet chuckle and whispers, “good morning to you too, my love.”

Bleary green eyes blink open slowly as Kyoshi lifts her head, tilting up slightly to flash a dopey grin. “Glowing girl,” she murmurs sleepily, shuffling closer to give Rangi a sweet kiss.

Rangi blushes at the term, her fair skin tinting deep pink across her face and upper chest. She sputters a bit before Kyoshi’s lips meet hers and she easily melts into the kiss. Bringing a hand up to cup a freckled cheek, she keeps the taller girl close as they exchange soft kisses. 

The sun seems to be shining brighter when they finally pull apart, a pleasant warmth spreading over both of their bare bodies. For a few minutes they simply stare into each other’s eyes, basking in the rare moment of peace. Kyoshi is still wearing a dopey grin, which is eventually mirrored by Rangi’s lips.

“I’ve missed you,” Kyoshi says, her fingers tracing along the bumps and valleys of Rangi’s body as she searches for new battle scars.

“I’ve missed you too, gentle giant,” Rangi teases softly.

Kyoshi’s smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes anymore as she lets out a quiet chuckle, shaking her head in response. The sound feels distant, like she isn’t quite present at the moment. Rangi’s brow furrows slightly as she places her hand on top of Kyoshi’s wandering one, effectively halting its exploration.

“Kyoshi?”

The woman in question hums noncommittally, instead opting to tangle the fingers of their joined hands together. She lets out a rough exhale, rolling onto her back and throwing her free arm over her eyes. Her quiet voice breaks through the silence after a few moments, conflicting emotions causing the words to come out strained and tight.

“I just don’t want to believe you’re here. Maybe then it will hurt less when I turn around and you’re already gone.”

The quiet admission sends a pang of guilt coursing through Rangi’s body as she swallows tightly around the sudden lump in her throat. “I thought….I thought you’d enjoy the surprise. I’m sorry,” she whispers as she starts to pull her hand away, ready to gather her things and leave.

“I did.” Kyoshi tightens her grip and pulls her back. “I do. It’s just…” she sighs loudly as she blinks up at the ceiling, “...Rangi I don’t know how to do this.”

Rangi just lays beside her quietly, body rigid as she furiously tries to keep her tears at bay.  _ You idiot, you never should have let her talk you into agreeing to this relationship. You knew it would only hurt her. But you were too weak to tell her no. To protect her. You’re still so fucking weak.  _ Kyoshi glances over in time to see a lone tear escape and crawl slowly down a porcelain cheek. The taller woman reaches out to gently brush it away. Rangi flinches slightly at the touch, turning her face away to hide the inevitable rush of tears that quickly follow. The gentle hand retreats as they both lay on their backs, joined only by their connected hands. Quiet uneven breaths fill the silence, the only indication that Rangi is crying.

Kyoshi shuts her eyes tightly, mentally berating herself for ruining their first morning together in years. Running a thumb against the trembling knuckles in her grasp, she takes a few deep breaths before opening her eyes once more.

“Rangi?”

There’s a pause as Rangi scrambles to put together some semblance of control. Clearing her throat awkwardly she responds, “yes Kyoshi?”

“I’m sorry.”

That makes Rangi frown, uncertain as to what her girlfriend was apologizing for. Turning her head back to look up at the ceiling, she blinks a few times as her breathing slowly settles. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I didn’t express myself in the best way. I was just getting frustrated and it just….came out like that.”

Rangi sighs quietly. “Kyoshi, it’s okay. It’s perfectly understandable for you to be upset. I never should have dragged you into this. I’m sorry. You always deserved better than what I could give you.”

“Fuck you.”

Flinching in surprise at the comment and harsh tone, Rangi glanced to the side and was met with green eyes alight with fury. “I-what…” she sputters, unsure of how to respond.

“You always do this. Every time shit gets hard, you always think it’s your fault! And you say things like I’m some goddamn saint and you’re sin reincarnated. Do you think I’m stupid? Don’t you think I knew being in a relationship with a special ops soldier was going to be hard? I’m an adult Rangi, I can make decisions for myself. It’s not always on you to control everything. Is this ideal? No! But it’s a hell of a lot better than not having you at all! Why can’t you understand that?!”

Kyoshi was yelling now, angry tears starting to streak down her cheeks. Rangi just stared back at her, helpless in the moment. They had been here before. Similar arguments with similar outcomes. At this point, it had become a habit. 

“I-I’m trying, Kyoshi.” Rangi hesitates as she tries to gather her thoughts. “I know you can make your own decisions. You’re the one who knows what’s best for you. I just….I love you. So much. And I hate that that love is causing you pain. The people that I love always end up hurt and all I wanted was to spare you of that. But any choice I make never seems to be the right one and I’m….stuck in this endless cycle.”

“You don’t hurt the people you love. You protect them.”

Rangi laughs bitterly, “Right. Not like you were hurting for years or anything.”

“That’s….that’s not fair. You’re dedicated to your career just like I’m dedicated to mine. The rest of the world and just life make it complicated.”

“It wasn’t complicated when I hurt you back in middle school.”

“Rangi….”

“It wasn’t complicated when I hurt my mother.”

Kyoshi paused.  _ Wait, what? _ Her brow creased as she tried to figure out what exactly Rangi was referring to. “What do you mean?”

Rangi clenched her jaw, exhaling slowly through her nose. “After my dad died. I hurt her. She was grieving and I…” her voice drops to a low whisper, “I was weak. And she got hurt.”

“You were both grieving. I know things got rough between the two of you but that passed. You’re really close now, aren’t you?”

“I feel like you’re specifically ignoring the fact that I hurt her.”

“I feel like you might be projecting.”

“I can guarantee you that my mother was not celebrating having to sit in a hospital waiting for me only a few months after being in the same hospital to stare at my father’s corpse.”

The silence that followed was palpable, her words bouncing around Kyoshi’s head. “W-what? When were you in the hospital?”

“Two weeks before you came barging into my room.”

“Were you sick?”

Rangi laughs out loud. It’s empty and broken, the sound chilling Kyoshi’s bones. “Yeah, sick of living.” 

“I-I don’t….Rangi, w-what….”

“I...” Rangi hesitates, suddenly acutely aware of how fragile the moment is. But then Kyoshi catches her gaze with eyes full of fear, concern,  _ love _ , and the words come pouring out before she can stop them. “Sometimes when I thought….think about my dad, it just hurts too much. And I need to make the pain go away. So I cut myself because it gives me a different kind of pain to feel. Something tangible. Something temporary. And for just a few moments, I can forget that he’s not here. I can just breathe for once. And it never works as well as I want it to, but I keep telling myself that maybe next time it will. Maybe next time it will last a little longer. Maybe next time it won’t hurt so bad when I wake up and remember that he’s gone. Maybe next time I just won’t wake up.”

She lowers her gaze, unable to face the now crying girl who holds her heart. “And then I didn’t. I remember the pain because I had to cut so much deeper. And then it was cold. I remember laying down on the floor and curling up, thinking it would warm me up a bit. I was shivering. And then I wasn’t. It just felt like….like I wasn’t there. Like I was watching a movie of myself. I got tired so I closed my eyes and I don’t remember much after that. Maybe I heard my mom scream, but it felt like it was part of a dream. I don’t know. But then I woke up in the hospital, with my mom waiting at my bedside….and I don’t think I’ve ever hated myself more. I mean, everytime I hurt you comes at a close second place, but I still hate myself for what I did to her. So yeah. Yeah, I definitely hurt her.”

Rangi slowly curls her arms around herself, her heart shattering with every sniffle that came from her gentle giant. Her vision starts tinting pink and everything around her becomes somehow distant, a low ringing starting in her ears.  _ It’s coming back. The red.  _ She swallows past the seemingly ever present lump in her throat, her voice sounding raw and broken as it comes through. 

“I’m so sorry Kyoshi. All I ever wanted to do was give you the world. But I always seem to crush it to pieces before I hand it to you,” her hands clench subconsciously as the ringing in her ears gets louder. “And I never understand how you can just...keep forgiving me. Time after time, mistake after mistake, I keep bringing you pain and you just take it. Put on a smile, tell me it’s okay, as if you deserve this...this disappointment.” Burnt bronze eyes are shut tightly, blunt nails digging deeper into the fragile skin along her biceps. “Every time. And I see the way it hurts you. I can see it in your eyes every time I fuck up. Every time I leave. And it makes me hate myself a little more each time.” Teeth grind against each other in frustration, a broken whisper barely squeezing through, “when will you finally give up on me”?

_ Stupid girl, did you think she was ever fighting to begin with? Why would she? What have you given her to fight for? A school yard hero who grew up to be a harbinger of misery and death. She is good and pure, a shining white beacon meant to lead people to a better future. And you, you taint her with your red. Her light clouds pink when you’re around and it’ll only get darker. But you keep adding red. It won’t come out and you keep a--.  _ “--y?” Muffled words start to break through the ringing. “I-- never giv- up -- you. I love --u. -- promise. Please, listen t-- me. We’ll -- okay. -- love you.”

Warm scarred hands cup the tear streaked porcelain face, the gentle voice becoming louder than the harsh words in Rangi’s head. The shadowy figure in her mind screeches, the ringing piercing her ears as everything becomes unhinged. Eyes blink open, frantic and unfocused, as fear grips the soldier’s mind.  _ Run. You’re drowning. Red. RUN. _ Grabbing the wrists of her assailant, she twists and throws with practiced ease. The larger body gives a surprised sound of pain before it crashes to the floor, Rangi quickly following. She straddles the larger figure, who groans in protest before becoming quiet as the soldier wraps a hand around their throat, the other preparing to strike. The assailant becomes still, arms laying loosely by their side, breaths controlled despite the situation and Rangi pauses.

_ That’s not right. _ She blinks hard.  _ Where am I? _ The room flickers back into her consciousness slowly. Sheets tangled around her, carpet below her knees.  _ Not the base. Too warm. _ Late morning sun streams across her back, highlighting her shadow with her fist still raised. A strong pulse races beneath her fingers.  _ Someone else.  _ Tanned skin dusted with freckles lays between scarred pale thighs. Emerald eyes stare back, wide and searching.  _ Kyoshi? _ Burnt bronze traces the toned shaking arm to the hand wrapped tightly around a tan throat. Everything clicks and Rangi pulls away as if she’d been burned, tumbling into the far wall.  _ No. No no no no no. _

Kyoshi takes a couple deep breaths as she pushes herself upright on shaky arms. “...Rangi?” She frowns as the girl in question keeps murmuring to herself and shaking her head as she curls up against the wall, hands gripping tightly onto tangled onyx locks. “Love…,” Kyoshi implores softly, cautiously shuffling over as Rangi’s breathing speeds up. A strangled scream rips through the air, freezing Kyoshi in place. The soldier’s head connects with the wall repeatedly, each hits getting harder and more desperate. Kyoshi immediately throws herself between the two and clutches onto the broken woman, forgetting how terribly wrong a similar move had gone just minutes ago. 

But this time, Rangi was awake. As strong arms wrapped around her shaking frame, she screamed and pushed futilely. Everything was finally crashing down and all she could do was cry. For the little girl who had dreams to be a martial arts teacher. For the life she lost when Junsik was killed. For the mud covered 8-year-old girl with sunkissed skin and emerald eyes who looked up at her like she put the stars in the sky. For the gentle giant of a woman who loved her despite everything. For the future with her one true love that just crumbled to dust beneath her red-stained hands.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello, coming back at you with a heaping dose of ANGST. I'm planning on the next chapter being very nice though. Should expect a big time jump once again.
> 
> As always, please feel free to leave me your thoughts in the comments.
> 
> Stay safe and healthy my friends!

**Author's Note:**

> In case you were curious, the title comes from the song "Armor" by Sara Bareilles. Will I stick to lyrics from the song as titles for the chapters? Who knows.
> 
> Stay tuned for the next chapter!


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